The Unprofessional Boy #17
This is your brain on timscales (hello tim)
I’m not much for accomplishment recaps and reviews, even as this is a personal newsletter, and I’m less for predictions; therefore, the following paragraphs remain pretty much unstructured. As always, read only what you’re interested in; we don’t get back the time we spent on bullshit. Anyway.
I’m writing this on the First. I turn nineteen on the eleventh, and there’s a part of me that shies away from writing out that clause for much the same reason a part of me resists listing out the last ten years’ worthwhile activities: because I’m concerned that it’s insignificant, and I’m concerned that the passage of time renders the modification of that truth prohibitively difficult.
In 2020, I might have some internal goals I’m mulling over; this probably isn’t the time or place to share them; instead, I think it’s best to share some directional approaches and modifications I’d like to try to make. They’re not full-throated commitments to particular benchmarks; at this juncture I think that’s likely less
I’d like to be more kind and respectful; I’ve made progress in this area, I feel, but I’m often rude or inconsiderate. It can be recognizable in the moment, and I need to look after my emotional state more thoroughly to ensure the consistency necessary to treat others as they deserve even when it’s difficult.
As above, I’d like to be more consistent. I’ve read a number of great books, essays, and posts this year, as well as taken good actions and produced a measure of dubious work; my baselines, though, have fluctuated to unsettling, verging on dangerous degrees. I believe that though there’s a very real value to the “scattershot method of work,” (TUB #4,) there’s also value in holding down a measure of repetition as a means of staving back self-destructive, degenerative internal delinquency. I’d like to embrace it more fully.
I’d like to be more social, less parasocial, and less dependent on individual relationships; I’d like to be a little more self-assured and connect with people proactively, because it makes sense, rather than a common previous failure mode of circumstantial clinging.
I’d like to produce more, and I’d like it to be more varied; I feel that I’ve derived a great deal of personal value from my newsletter, my Twitter presence, my continued efforts at scripts and novels in the fiction domain, and while I’d like to plumb each further, I find it inevitable that there’s more untapped potential in areas I’m neglecting: subsegments of art and music, for example, have been backburner’d interests of mine for some time. I’ve written here previously about my main mental model of creativity (#11;) suffice it to say I’d like to keep producing minimal stabs at these new domains, like my burgeoning Twitter thread of junky animations.
I’d like to be stronger and more resilient to change, two things which go part and parcel; this seems a foundational component of decreasing reliance in a variety of areas, internalizing and absorbing the most significant, best qualities of external dependencies.
I’d like to be more curious; more diligent; more virtuous, etc., but five good principles seems like a solid number to attempt to stick to and keep in mind. For the time being, this concludes the concentrated self-reflection, though I’m sure it’ll bleed into my work as it continues. Now for
The Newsletter Recap
Statistics
If you care about this sort of thing: the newsletter now goes out to 32 email inboxes; the top few posts have gotten roughly 115 views, with an open rate averaging about 70%.
Media
If you’re new, or want to catch up through a crash-course of media,
The natural question prompted by this, of course, is: what improvements can be made in the way I input media, but also in the ways in which I distribute and promote it here? As I see it, there are a number of actionable items:
Less-mainstream material is more likely to provide an outsize benefit to readers, given that it’s less likely to be repetition, unless:
When I have clear or distinctive thoughts contextualizing a given medium, or when it’s particularly aligned with a particular episode, dissemination is more rewarding.
There’s definitely room for more polish in my presentation and transitions.
Avoiding the impulse to signal or log consumption for its own sake, but to focus on my ability to create real value through judicious selection.
Share a higher quantity of Lindy stuff; i.e. that I keep coming back to; that matter.
One concrete thing I’d like to do better this year is maintain superior master lists of the art that affects or impact me, and I’ll attempt to use that effort to make better choices in the future along these lines.
Writing Notes and Future Programming
I’ve iterated through a variety of forms for the newsletter,
beginning with a formally declared list of sections (#1,)
moving towards a really long quasi-essay with references (#4,)
through freeform, poorly structured but painfully necessary rambles (#11,)
into more confident, declarative meditations and descriptive predictions (#13.)
The ideal form is likely a mix of these, taking the best elements of structure and the benefits of less-fitted, extemporaneous writing, sprinkling in recent personal experience as relevant and tying together with a coherent thesis. I’ll likely continue to vacillate between extremes as I settle on towards this platonic ideal, but —as I mentioned earlier— I think repetitions can only help.
My favorite posts to write have been those that sprung from a burning, pre-existing need to get something out on the topic, preceded by substantial marination and back-burnered thinking; I think my cycle needs to start earlier for a given post, and I’m attempting to ease myself into revising chunks of them. That likely necessitates that these episodes constitute marginally more lagging indicators of my thoughts, however; I estimate that they will be less lossy transmissions, and that the trade-off is worth making.
Links
Ben Reinhardt’s post Type I and Type II progress, which reminded me of the idea of levels of action, strikes me as a useful model for decision-making, particularly in its distinction and definition of oft-conflated vectors.
Two thought-provoking and motivational if incomplete and flawed frames: the salesman model of personal development and the necessity for both self-compassion and self-improvement.
I found Nick Cammarata’s post Everything is Fertile a poignant reminder of the beauty and possibility in common, everyday actions and items which it’s so easy to forget to take with us.
Brendan Schlagel’s canon and Buster Benson’s codex serve as inspirations for the creation of new forms of collating resonant art and ideas.
Lastly, before I leave you— this is an invitation that’s always open, but I welcome it especially now, as I’m reflecting on myself but also this space and best practices for its continued use: feel free to send any type of feedback through email, Twitter, or telepathy.
Best,
Orion